Breakups are hard, especially if it’s from a long term relationship. I have been single for about a month. I can’t say that it’s been easy, because it hasn’t. I have had to find a new normal where I’m not going to just one person for literally everything, and that has been the hardest part. It’s been difficult to make this adjustment as this previous relationship has lasted a little over three years.
There are a few things, though, that has helped me make the transition from being in a relationship to being single.
I think what’s helping me the most, although this is not applicable to everyone, is remembering that the relationship that I was in was extremely toxic. Boundaries that have set for a very long time before the relationship were crossed at a time where I was not ready for that to happen. There were also times where he lied straight to my face, even though I knew the truth. It was also an extremely co-dependent relationship where I was leaning on him for validation for things I didn’t need to validated for. I would sacrifice myself and my values in exchange for this validation, which was unhealthy for both of us. I also noticed that the two of us were extremely incompatible. I knew what I wanted in life, he didn’t. I can’t be with a guy who has no ambition, it’s unattractive.
A few verses from the psalms have also helped me transition from a relationship to being single. Psalm 23:1-3 is really good for looking towards God because He is the one who is in control of our life. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul, he leads me in right paths for his name’s sake” (NRSV). Psalm 34:18 is great for remembering that God is there for you. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (NRSV). The last verse that has helped me is psalm 63:1. This verse reminds me to look towards God when things are difficult, just like how Jesus says to take his yolk so that He will give us rest in Matthew 11. “O God, you are my God, I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is not water” (NRSV).
The last thing that I want to say is that relationships, in general, are extremely difficult. If you recently got out of a relationship, know that it was probably the right thing for the both of you. Surround yourself with friends, scripture, and uplifting media. Find the things that you love to do and focus on self-improvement until you find the next person that you want to spend a chunk of your life with.
I hope that this post helped in any way.
Lots of love,